I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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