The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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