he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
