planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
