can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
