Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
