East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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