her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
