What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
