I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
