So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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