chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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