And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
