Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
