I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
