I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
