i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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