I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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