he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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