I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
