did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
