super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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