You're my little dorito
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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