Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
