What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
