i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
