Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
