she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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