i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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