when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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