And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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