im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
