I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
