too bad you live with your parents still
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
