I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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