And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
