literally had 100 drinks last night.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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