If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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