I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
