the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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