First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
