STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
