even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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