also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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