sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
