okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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