My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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