using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
