to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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