I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
not ubering you a puppy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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