Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize