Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize