For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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