Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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