She's JV to your varsity
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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