Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
