I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
