..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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