if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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