As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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