im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
