I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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