I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
