Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
