You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
