you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
