a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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