my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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