they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
